I ask myself questions all the time before sharing my thoughts, questions like:

Does this honor God?

Am I boasting about myself?

Do I come across in a way that I am showing off myself or my body too much?

These questions aren’t so bad, but then the list goes on…

Will I make people feel uncomfortable?

Can they see that I’m loosing my hair?

Can you tell I haven’t lost my baby weight?

Is my house clean enough to show others?

Will I turn people away with my thoughts?

See…

I desperately want to honor God… and I am aware that I fall short, from my motives, or pride, or the things I didn’t honestly know I was doing.

My mind is crippling me at every turn and tempting me to stay behind the closed door. Not stepping out to do the thing I’m supposed to.

Since I was an older teen I have wanted to do God’s work, but I always felt I was too young.

Then I had kiddos and I felt that I was too busy, then I was afraid that nobody will listen to me because I didn’t have enough experience.

Then I started loosing my hair and thought that because I was balding, I was a disgrace among women.

Then I had a brain hemorrhage and became forgetful, how could I teach if I can’t remember?

Then we moved… and moved again. The military has been like a rough sea, sending us everywhere. So I told myself, “I had not been in the church long enough to be a leader in anything.”

This list has been the bold print to my life and my reasons for not sharing and teaching God’s word.

Then, at 30, I went back to college and at 33 I got my bachelor’s degree.

My dear husband got me a wonderful lighting system and built me a desk for me to start working. It has been since August that he has done that and it is now December of the next year… and I sit here fearfully gathering my thoughts for my first posts.

Afraid that I am jumping ahead of myself and all the “what ifs” are clouding my mind and more are added…

Like you haven’t prayed enough…

You are not close enough to God…

You call yourself Holy and able to share God’s word?

The lies are constantly bombarding me.

Be still my soul.

The first sermon/message I ever shared, came ringing back in my ear, though it was 7 years ago.

Do you remember the story of God calling Moses? (Exodus 3 and 4) Moses starts off with saying “Here am I” (3:4) then fear sets in and argues.

He asks God “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” (3:11)

But… God doesn’t answer him, instead he tells him that he will be with him. He says that his name is, “I am who I am” and that was enough.

And that was enough.

Then the second time Moses argues, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me…?” (4:1) God comforts him and asks him what’s in his hand, “A staff” Moses answers.

God explains that all the miracles that he would preform… God himself would preform them through him.

Then a third time, Moses argues and explains that he’s just not so good with words, explaining that he talks slowly and his tongue just doesn’t work as it should. (4:10) 

(At this point, you would think that Moses would stop arguing with God himself… but then I’m reminded that I don’t stop arguing with God…)

God doesn’t take this as a reason either… he explains that he was the one that made his mouth and that God himself will teach him what to say.

This isn’t enough to comfort Moses’s fears and he boldly asks God to just send someone else. (4:13)

God is upset and angry at Moses now and tells him that Aaron will go with him. God is going to help both of these men know what to say and do.

This is who God is, one who is enough, and He is the only prerequisite.

If God has called you or me to share His word with people on a stage, or at the grocery store, he will give us the words and the way to share the truth. He will teach us how to do it all, and none of it is dependent on our fanciness in any way.

None of it is dependent on our fanciness in any way.

I have wanted to honor God so much that I’ve somehow crippled myself out of it! I thought of and created what kind of person God deserves to serve him (who wasn’t me).

A woman with a full head of hair…

Perfectly obedient family…

Older woman…

Confident…

And knowing all the bible inside and out…

And a plethora of other prerequisites.

But if God is just sending us… God is enough… not our ability, because he will teach us along the way.

Lord… dear Father, please forgive me for my inability to move. Please forgive me for my desire to be perfect for you before I live for you. Forgive me for comparing myself to others, when you already know me and want me to share with others who you are. Father, Here I am, please help me to obey without arguing with you every step of the way. I love you Lord. In Jesus’s precious name, Amen.